Sometimes in life you are in a situation where decisions need to be made. Decisions about which direction to go in the future. I have learnt a lot about myself in the last four years. It was a steep learning curve. I understood very much that being whipped to do absolutely senseless things is something that literally drives me crazy. After four years of working in a pharmaceutical firm I am a crazy person and I fear that after only a few months more in that institution, I will be ready for a mental institution instead. I am already desperately looking for a therapist, because I know that if nothing happens fast, I will be in a deep depression soon again. Maybe I can get my doctor to prescribe me some Prozac as an interim solution to get by. Anyway, all people I know either seem to be whacked or on drugs, so what does it matter anyway.

Work is like prison to me, like slavery, like daily rape. And now that we've been "reorganized", that is sold to another creepy department it can only get worse.

I now have to find out what I really want to do, because what I am doing now - despite the fat paycheck and the prestige - does mean squat to me. I need to be free, I need to break these chains and step out to do what I really need to be doing.

Currently I am just so burnt out that even thinking about a new life seems to be too much for me. I just keep applying to different jobs which sound interesting, hoping on god's grace and good luck.